Working definition of this leadership concept: To be hospitable is to generously provide space for others to rest, be refreshed, and prosper. It can involve providing food and/or lodging for people as it did in the times of the Bible. More broadly it involves accepting, loving and welcoming others and working to meet basic material, emotional and spiritual needs. Benefits for leaders who show hospitality: 1. Showing hospitality expands the leader’s heart for others and invites joy. 2. Showing hospitality makes the team environment safer and more welcoming to prospective team members. Benefits for the community where leaders show hospitality: 1. Leaders are sensitive to and provide for the needs of the team. 2. Leaders welcome others and foster a welcoming culture on their team that make those that feel like "outsiders" become "insiders" who welcome others. 3. Leaders provide hospitable space for people to grow, discover, and attempt new things so that people can develop their gifts and skills. Biblical inspiration and support: In the lists of qualifications for an overseer in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 we read that a leader in the church must be hospitable. This is interesting to me. If we were to survey popular books on leadership for leadership characteristics I am not sure that hospitable would top the list. Decisive? Maybe. Persuasive? Maybe. But would we naturally think that leaders must be hospitable? If you call to mind a successful public leader, would you describe them as hospitable? Doubtful. And yet, hospitality makes God’s lists of leadership characteristics. What is it to be hospitable? In Hebrews 13:2 the noun form of the verb used in the Timothy and Titus verses is used to refer to Abraham’s hospitality in Genesis 18. In this passage Abraham entertains “angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2, ESV). What does that look like? In this passage we see Abraham washing the feet of the weary travelers and providing a shady place for them to rest while he gets them some food. He then stays with them as they eat. We see in this scene that hospitality involves welcoming people, even strangers, and meeting their basic needs. In 1 Peter we read: “8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: 11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:8–11, ESV, emphasis mine). In this passage Peter does not seem concerned about hospitality toward strangers, but rather toward brothers and sisters in the Lord. Hospitality seems to be something that springs from earnest love. And it sounds like some Christians have been grumbling about showing hospitality. So, it is important that hospitality comes from a loving and generous heart. This is followed by the direction to serve one another as we manage and contribute according to the gifts God has given us. Hospitality is nestled in this idea of a loving community of people serving and building up one another. And that makes sense, doesn’t it? To have a loving community where people serve each other requires showing each other hospitality: looking to each other’s needs, welcoming one another, and being patient with each other. This reminds me of what we read in the letter to the Romans, “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7, ESV) Welcome here involves receiving someone into your home, or into your circle of acquaintance. It is to welcome, receive, accept others. This statement is especially powerful because it follows Paul’s exhortation to different groups within the Christian community in Rome, the Weak and the Strong, to stop judging each other and love one another well. It matters who/how/why leaders welcome. It matters if they welcome people and meet their needs with generous hearts or begrudgingly. It matters if people sense the team is a hospitable space to step out in contributing according to their gifts. Hospitality is crucial to godly leadership. Jesus showed great hospitality to his team of disciples. He corrected them when they misunderstood the mission (Mark 8:31-33), had bad ideas (Luke 9:53-55) and argued with each other (Mark 9:34). He gave them space to try, risk and grow, and was there to help them when it did not work out (Mark 9:14-29). He even washed their feet (John 13:5) and made them breakfast (John 21:9-14). Jesus models that leadership includes hospitality. Example/Illustration: Over the last year I joined a group where I am being trained in coaching. We all come from different areas of the country and different perspectives. On top of that, the training requires a great deal of vulnerability for both the person acting as “client,” as they share real issues in their life in front of the group, as well as for the person stepping out as “coach,” as everything they do and say will be reviewed by the team when the practice session is finished. Even so, I always look forward to our training meetings because it is such a hospitable space. Everyone is for one another. There is a freedom to ask questions without feeling embarrassed about not already knowing the answer. And, there is freedom to be myself. Everyone will coach a little differently depending on who they are, their experiences and their style. And that is not wrong. There is hospitable space for people to try, risk, fail, learn, grow and try again. I think this has helped build a team of people that I am always happy to hear from and one where I would be willing to extend myself and my resources to help if they asked. I’m grateful for the leaders of the group who have prioritized creating a hospitable space for all of us. Practical application Is your welcome mat out? Take a few moments to reflect on how a stranger or “outsider” might feel as they join you for an event, gathering or as a new member of your team. What efforts have you made to be welcoming to new people? In Romans, Christians were directed to be welcoming to those who had different opinions and perspectives; how welcoming are you to people who see things differently than you? How could you communicate to people on your team that you are open to hear their thoughts and make room for them? Identify obstacles What holds you back from showing hospitality? What obstacles do you see? Take some time in prayer to write them down and then pray and ask the Lord to show you for His perspective. Ask the Lord to reveal ways to show hospitality despite the obstacles. One thing. I think the idea of having to meet everyone’s needs and please everyone is overwhelming. I do not think that is what it means to be a hospitable leader. Let’s start with one thing. What is one thing you could do to make your next meeting more hospitable? Pray and ask the Lord for an idea, then act on it. A parting word on hospitality: Hospitable leaders make outsiders… insiders. Comment: What have you seen leaders do to create a hospitable environment?
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Working definition of this leadership concept:
Leaders are both spiritually gifted to lead, and are themselves a gift.
Benefits for leaders who are gifted to lead: 1. Gifts are given to be used. Leaders need not be ashamed of their gifts of administration, their ability to form vision, or their God-given talent to organize, strategize and delegate. They can humbly yet confidently offer their gifts and enjoy contributing to the community. 2. If leadership is a spiritual gift, then there is spiritual empowerment (grace) available from God for every need a leader faces. When a leader turns to God to supply what is needed to accomplish God’s will, God may intervene supernaturally, train and/or provide empowerment to the leader, or He may provide other people to help. (See Exodus 3-4.) Benefits for the community where gifted leaders lead: 1. Leaders are gifted by God to serve and build up the community. (See Ephesians 4.) 2. Leaders are not just gifted; they are a gift. Leaders are a blessing. Communities of people need leaders, and God has graciously supplied them. Biblical inspiration and support: In Romans the Apostle Paul says, “3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." (Romans 12:3–8 ESV, emphasis mine). Paul is teaching that although we are all one in Christ, we have different functions in the Christian community. We do not decide our own role, but God determines it as He gives us grace. Among the gifts Paul lists here is leading. God gives some people a gracious gift to lead. Imagine what endless resources of wisdom, patience, guidance and more are available to leaders who are spiritually empowered to lead! In 1 Corinthians Paul writes, “And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues.” (1 Corinthians 12:28 ESV, emphasis mine). And earlier in this chapter Paul teaches that each person is given “the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.” (1 Corinthians 12:7 ESV). These gifts are to be used to build up the community of Christians. Among this list we see administrating. The word translated “administrating” here by the ESV translators is translated “gifts of leadership” by the NET Bible and “forms of leadership” by the NRSV. Again, Paul is teaching that leadership is a spiritual gift. Looking at verse 28 it also seems that just as God provided apostles and prophets to the church, so also he provided leaders. Therefore, I would summarize that God gives supernatural grace to lead and administrate and also that leaders are a blessing God gives to build up the Christian community. Example/Illustration: The guys in my family just went on a motorcycle trip. My dad had planned the whole thing. He let everyone know what to pack, he chose a destination and secured accommodations, and he thought through the route. He was the unofficial leader. Everything was looking great and then 20 minutes into the trip one of the motorcycles broke down. My dad was able to assess what was wrong, determine it was not a quick fix, and then he and the rider agreed to park the bike and pick it up after the trip. They talked to the homeowners near where it broke down to get permission to leave it there for the weekend. The rider without a bike joined on a larger cycle with another rider and they continued. Throughout the day the group was met with more obstacles. First a bridge was out, and they had to reroute. Then train tracks were being replaced and they had to backtrack and find a different way. Through it all the leader was a gift. My dad had the experience of many other motorcycle trips, he had thought through the area and alternative routes, and he had the confidence to make quick decisions to keep the trip going. They had a great time. Leaders are a gift. Practical Application Gift Assessment What gifts of leadership has God given you? Maybe vision? Or strategic thinking? Perhaps administration? Or organization? Recognizing the gifts and talents of others? Team building? Maybe other gifts I have not listed? As we turn our attention to assessing our gifts it is helpful to highlight two different kinds of errors we often make when recognizing our gifts. First, we may take our own gifts for granted, devaluing them as we compare them with others’ gifts. We often do not even realize how special our own gifts are, but they are really are! We need to recognize them and invest in developing them. Consider asking a few people to reflect back to you the gifts and talents they see in you. Another error we might make is that we might see our natural talents, our acquired skills and God’s gracious giftings as our own to use to build up wealth, security and status for ourselves. But God gives gifts to individuals to use to benefit the entire community. We are not to busy ourselves building our own “kingdoms” but to serve God as He extends and builds up His Kingdom. Take a moment to reflect on how you are employing your gifts. Consider praying and asking God to show how you could use your gifts and talents more effectively to build up God’s people and to bless the community. Requesting Resources If God gives grace to lead, what might you ask for in prayer today? What do you need as you lead in your home, workplace, non-profit, and/or church today? Wisdom? Guidance? Strength? Hope? Vision? Discernment? Consider praying and asking God for supernatural empowerment to do the work of leading today. Then, take one more step. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect. Ask the Lord to remind you of important moments in the day. Where did you sense the Lord’s grace? Where did you sense you were working from your own strength? Ask the Lord to help you walk more and more in His grace. A parting word on leadership as a gift: Leaders lead with God-given grace to serve God and His people. Lead and be the blessing God has enabled you to be. Comment: How has a leader been a gift to you?
Working definition of this leadership concept:
To fail is to fall short of a standard or to not meet a goal. It is to disappoint expectations. In this article I am going to focus on failing our own expectations, as I think that the shame and disappointment of not meeting our own standards often impedes our leadership. Benefits for leaders who fail: 1. Failure teaches leaders about themselves, about their limits, about their character and often about God. In fact, often the experience of failure doesn’t just teach, but actually transforms leaders. 2. Living through failure helps decrease the fear of failure which in turn results in greater confidence in facing the unknowns of the future. 3. Experiencing failure can increase our compassion and understanding of others experiencing failure. Benefits for the community where there is freedom to fail: 1. When the team is free to fail, they are free to risk, and amazing things are possible. 2. When there is good communication providing feedback and accountability, moments of failure can become moments of growth. Biblical inspiration and support: Peter. I thank God that Jesus’ disciple Peter, with both his strengths and weaknesses, is included in the Bible. Peter told Jesus at the last supper that he was willing to die with Him (Luke 22:33), and yet when the guards came to arrest Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane hours later, Peter fled. Later that night he was asked if he was one of Jesus’ disciples. Three times Peter denied even knowing Christ. That seems like failure to me. He broke his word to Jesus that he would stand by Him. I believe after Peter failed this way his heart was broken. We read in Luke 22:62 that after Peter had denied Jesus three times he “wept bitterly.” Peter had disappointed his own expectations of himself as a disciple of Jesus. But what I see here is that although Peter failed his own expectations, namely, he failed to stand by Jesus in the face of prison and death, I do not think Peter failed Jesus’ expectations. In The Gospel of Luke we read Jesus' words: “31 ‘Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.’ 33 Peter said to him, ‘Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.’ 34 Jesus said, ‘I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.’” (Luke 22:31–34, ESV) First, we see that Jesus’ expectation is that Peter will fail; he will deny Him three times. Jesus knows this about Peter, even before Peter knows this about himself. But look at what Jesus said in verse 32, “…And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:32, ESV). Jesus also expected that Peter would repent. And when Peter turned, was he to condemn himself, or disqualify himself from leadership? No. He was to strengthen the other believers. He was to continue in the service Jesus had trained him to do—even after failing. Jesus does not seem to see Peter’s failure as the end of his service to God or an end to his relationship with God or even an end to his participation on the Jesus team. Jesus did not see Peter’s failure as the end of his leadership, instead I think the Lord used it to shape Peter to lead more powerfully. I wonder if failure is an experience that can be used to form us more to the image of Christ. And friends, I wonder if Peter may be better qualified to strengthen others after his failure than he was before failing his expectations? Example/Illustration: I really failed my own expectations last fall when I took a step back from a team during one of the most challenging moments the team had ever faced. I felt awful. I could not believe I was doing it. I had prided myself on my reliability and my loyalty. I had told myself I would never abandon my team, and then, in the face of both the COVID pandemic and my own family’s suffering due to a hard medical diagnosis, I was at the end of myself and realized I needed to let go of my position. Even though I took some time and sought the Lord with other team leaders, and we all agreed that I should step back for a season, in my heart I still felt like I had abandoned them. I felt like such a failure for months. But was I really a failure? I was obeying God’s leading. I had submitted myself to spiritual authorities, and they agreed I was obeying God’s leading and blessed my decision. Why then, did I still feel like a failure? I spent months wrestling with my thoughts. I had failed my own expectations and that failure made me examine my pride, my expectations and how I define failure. It has been one of the most transforming seasons of my life. It was the first season in many years that I did not have any ministry responsibilities and that created space for me to just be with the Lord as a person. As I wrestled with my thoughts in prayer with the Lord, He brought me to a place of peace where I could “just be” with Him. I let go. I received God’s love. I was not really sure how to do it, so I would just say out loud, “Lord, I receive Your Love for me. I invite You into this pain.” I now spend some time most mornings sitting quietly and asking the Lord to remind me that He loves me. I prioritize and protect my time with God, realizing that I am better able to help people the way I really dream of helping them if I give myself space in time with God in the Bible and prayer. I am beginning to accept my limits and to release my former expectations. In the process, I am finding that I am becoming more of the leader I have always wanted to be: more humble, patient, hospitable and loving. Through my experience of failure God has brought me much healing and freedom. Practical application Failure survivors. When I felt like a failure last fall, I found a lot of people wanted to convince me I had not failed and keep me from talking about myself that way. The thing was, there was something very freeing about being able to look the thing I dreaded in the eye and to stop running. I had been running from failure my whole life, and it had kept me exhausted, with one eye over my shoulder wondering when it would catch up. But now that it was here—I mean, I had definitely failed in my opinion—well, there was something very real about facing my fear and realizing it did not destroy me. I can survive failing. I can survive disappointing myself and others. I can survive not living up to my expectations. And that, that was empowering. What if we are allowed to fail? And what if when we turn to God in those moments He can free, heal and transform us in ways we never thought possible? Read through Peter’s failure in Luke 22 and then read Acts 2. Peter’s failure was not the end of his story. He was a failure survivor. Failure review. Take a moment to look back on a moment of failure in your life. Ask the Lord to give you insight. Why do you consider it a failure? What was the nature of the failure? Was it a bad decision, a moral failure, a human limitation? Is there anything else you need to do to make amends to move forward? Now here’s the big one, what good fruit has that failure produced in your life? Did it reveal a blind spot? Did it help you adjust your expectations? Did it humble you? Did it bring you to God? Failure is a town we pass through. Failure is not an identity. People fail. It’s an experience humans share. It does not define us or our worth. You are not the worst thing you have ever done.* You are so, so, so much more than anything you have done, or anything that has been done to you. Failure is more like a town that we all seem to have to pass through from time to time on our way to other things. But I think sometimes we start living there. We give up hoping, we give up trying, because the pain is too much. Friends, failure is not a town to live in – it’s just a place we pass through time to time. Pray and ask God to reveal if you’ve taken on failure as an identity. Read Ephesians 1:3-8 and write down the words in that passage that describe who you are as a Christian. Failure is not one of them. A parting word on failure: Leaders who fail…grow. * I believe the first time I heard this statement it was being shared by a former inmate in a radio interview as something a mentor had shared with him while he was incarcerated. It has resonated with me ever since. Comment: What have you gained from experiencing failure?
A leader is not someone who focuses on doing all the work themselves. A leader develops and equips other members of the team to do the work. And when an equipping leader moves on, the work continues because others have been trained, equipped and promoted.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To equip others is to train, coach and delegate responsibility to other people. (Leaders who are doing all the work themselves are not really leading.) To lead is to raise up and empower others. Benefits for leaders who equip others: 1.Equipping others increases the leader’s area of influence. 2.Equipping others increases a leader’s influence generationally. This is how Christianity has survived and prospered for over 2000 years. Christians disciple and train other Christians in the life and practices of the faith. 3.Investing in others is satisfying work that lasts beyond reaching a goal. People are a good investment. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1.Equipping others releases people to do the good work God prepared in advance for them to do (See Ephesians 2:10). 2.Equipping others highlights that the work is about what God is doing, not what one superstar person is doing. 3.Equipping others contributes to the collaborating, cooperating, contributing picture of the Kingdom of God… like a body (See Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12). Biblical inspiration and support: Let’s start by looking at how the apostle Paul speaks about the importance of unity. He uses the picture of a body to describe the community of Christians. “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:1–16 ESV). Let’s take a closer look at this passage by working backwards. What is the purpose? What is the vision or goal? For the body to be built up in love and grow up into maturity, into the head who is Christ. For the community to attain unity in both the Christian faith and in knowledge of the Son of God and to not be vulnerable to deception. How does that happen? Each part of the body, is working properly and is doing the work of ministry, building up the Christian community. How does that happen? The leaders equip the Christian people. It is interesting to note that Paul does not say there are a few gifted and energetic people who will build up the body of Christ while the rest of the people watch or drift away. No, it seems from this passage that God has given some to be equippers and everyone else to be equipped. Every Christian has a vital role, each has ministry to do—which are really acts of service—to do in the Christian community. No role is superior to another. We all work to build up God’s people, to build up the Christian community with our integrity, humility, gentleness, patience and love according to the grace God’s given us. Leaders, as those who develop team members, equip others for the work. Practical application ideas: Time study. You might consider logging your time this week and seeing how much time you invest in equipping others versus how much time you spend doing the work yourself. Pray and reflect on if that ratio needs to change. What could be delegated? Think through your daily/weekly/monthly tasks. Which of these tasks could someone else on the team do 80% as well as you (or even better than you)? Consider training a team member to take on those tasks. Listen to an audio book on delegating. (Or read one if you prefer.) I had a coach who encouraged me to invest time and energy in developing the skill of delegating. Just because we find ourselves in a leadership role does not mean that we have developed the skill of identifying responsibilities to delegate, training others to take on those responsibilities, and handing off those tasks effectively while maintaining a reasonable amount of oversight and accountability. Consider investing in learning how to delegate so you are ready to develop and promote team members. Equipping retreat. Take half a day away from regular responsibilities to brainstorm what equipping needs your team has. Have some fun and dream, brainstorming what training would help each person who reports to you grow to reach the next level. Take some time to consider which are the most critical needs and how you could begin providing the needed training. Who could you collaborate with to provide what your team needs? A parting word on equipping others: Equipping Leaders multiply their influence and glorify God. Comment: Who can you thank for investing time to equip you?
What’s the way to avoid such relational disasters? Discipline. It may not sound fun to us passionate types, but I suggest discipline is not a joy-killer at all. It’s a path to true freedom in living and leading.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To be disciplined involves being both thoughtful and prudent. It is having one’s emotions, passions and impulses under control. To be disciplined is to be free. True freedom is not doing whatever we feel like in the moment, but doing what we purpose to do. Freedom is doing what is good; it is to follow and obey Jesus. Discipline, or self-control, is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in Christ followers. Benefits for leaders who practice discipline: 1.Being disciplined reduces the time leaders have to spend addressing the pain and hurt created by thoughtless words or actions. 2.Having self-control allows us to walk in step with the Spirit of God, sensitive to His leading even more than we are sensitive to our own passions and able to join in His work everywhere we go. This is the most satisfying and fruitful life for a Christ follower. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1.When a leader responds to difficult situations with restraint and thoughtfulness, avoiding the damage produced by thoughtless actions, the team is able to continue pursuing the mission with trust and confidence. 2.Resisting impulsive decisions grants more time and space for communication, cooperation and collaboration. This allows the leader to get helpful counsel from others and to get buy in from team members before moving forward. Biblical inspiration and support: In Titus 1, Paul directs Titus to appoint elders in every town and explains: “For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.” (Titus 1:7-8 ESV, emphasis mine) The Greek word translated disciplined here is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “[pertaining] to having one’s emotions, impulses, or desires under control, self-controlled, disciplined”[1] Paul is directing that elders, overseers – I would say leaders – be self-controlled. By adding not “quick-tempered” in the mix Paul was emphasizing that it is very important that God’s overseers, those serving as leaders of the flock, are not impulsive but are able to regularly restrain their passions in order be to holy, upright, lovers of good and hospitable to people. The Greek word, translated “self-controlled” in Titus 1:8 is found again in our next passage: “2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” (1 Timothy 3:2–3 ESV, emphasis mine) Here again Paul is training one of his delegated leaders how people should conduct themselves in Christian communities. The Greek word translated self-controlled here and in Titus 1:8 is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “[pertaining] to being in control of oneself, prudent, thoughtful, self-controlled.”[2] The word thoughtful is helpful here. Christian leaders should not be impulsive, victim to their passions, but instead be thoughtful and self-controlled. Today we might communicate this by saying leaders should be purposeful. Every word, every action should be done not as a reaction, but as a considered response. This may seem like a tall order, especially for those of us with more passionate personalities. Ah, but with God there is always empowerment to live as we are directed to live, grace to lead as we are commanded to lead. In Galatians 5 we read of the fruits of the Spirit – we read a description of what the Spirit Himself produces in us: “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:22–24 (ESV) The word translated self-control here is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “restraint of one’s emotions, impulses or desires…”[3] Where we lack the ability in ourselves to be self-controlled or disciplined, the Spirit himself is able to produce what we lack. This is a mystery and a miracle that enables us to walk by the Spirit which Paul discusses in this same chapter. Here Paul reminds us that we are called to walk in freedom but this freedom is not an opportunity to indulge our every whim or feed whatever hungers we have but instead “…through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:14 ESV). How does one receive this spiritual power of discipline and self-control? I believe when we submit ourselves first to the Lord, seeking His will, and we take a step to obey we will see this fruit of the Holy Spirit at work in and through us. True freedom is not the ability to serve our selfish passions and desires, but it is the freedom of self-control and discipline that we might serve and love God and others. Example/Illustration: Recently I was blessed to have a meeting with a coach. In our short time together, I shared all the ideas and passions whirring about in my mind and heart for this blog, website and such and I was ready to run out and do them all. He wisely cautioned me to limit my plan and shared the advice, “under-promise and overdeliver.” Friends, this is not what my heart wanted to hear. I love feeling passionate, it is so energizing. But I heard what he said, and saw the loving concern for me in his eyes through the zoom screen, and I took it to heart. As I’ve made decisions about how much to do and how much to commit to do, I’ve been thoughtful and often waited days to make decisions while I prayed and consulted others. The result has been avoidance of the dangerous but well-traveled ground of over-promising followed by the inevitable back-breaking work to avoid under-delivering. Restraint, thoughtfulness, and self-control have their place, even for creative-entrepreneur types. Practical application Take some time. Consider requiring a waiting period before acting on decisions. Whether it is sleeping on the email before sending it in the morning, or fasting from making decisions for one month a year* so that you can seek the Lord for the next season – take some extra time to respond and not react. * I have often set aside July as a decision free month. I do not decide to take on any new projects or say yes to any new opportunities or commitments in the month of July. In July I collect them, I pray over them and I ask the Lord to guide me in the next season. Important to note, I do not believe I have ever lost an opportunity because of this practice. Daily Examen. One way to grow in discipline is to spend some time reviewing each day, praying for the Lord to guide you to recall important moments and asking a simple set of questions. I suggest the questions: When did I feel pressured today? When did I feel free? Over the last year I have become convinced that God does not guide through pressure. I believe He guides through invitation. If that’s the case, where is the pressure coming from? That is a powerful question to take to the Lord in prayer. A parting word on being disciplined: Disciplined leaders don’t react, they respond. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” (Proverbs 19:2 ESV) [1] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “ἐγκρατής,” Page 274 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000. [2] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “σώφρων,” Page 987 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000. [3] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “ἐγκράτεια,”Page 273 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000.
But what if that moment is not failure, but an invitation to collaborate with others? Christianity is a collaborative way of life. We all need others. Collaborate and together you will conquer the difficulties you were never meant to face alone.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To collaborate means to cooperate and work with others. Christianity is not an individual enterprise. We are all gifts to one another, even—no, especially—when we see things differently. Benefits for leaders who practice collaboration: 1. Every leader fears hitting their limits; collaboration means our limits are catalysts to invite others into the project. 2. Collaboration also brings together a variety of strengths—no one is good at everything. Collaborating means we can leave the stuff we struggle with in more gifted hands leaving us free to do what we excel at doing. 3. Collaboration increases our connection with our audience. Those with different perspectives can see where we are blind, have had experiences we haven’t had and can identify with people in our audience. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1. Collaboration increases connection with our collaborators (co-laborers) – and we can use all the unity we can get! 2. Collaboration gives more people opportunities and experience. In this way, collaboration builds up the body of Christ. Biblical inspiration and support: Paul writes in Romans 12: "3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." (Romans 12:3–8 ESV) Christians are a body of many members. Each member is valuable and has contributions to make. All members need to be vitally connected to one another and cooperate with each other for the good of all (Ephesians 4:16, 1 Corinthians 2:7). Paul wrote to the Romans about being “mutually encouraged” (Romans 1:11-12) by one another, and he invited them to partner with him in an upcoming mission to Spain (Romans 15:24). Paul saw the Roman Christians to whom he was writing as collaborators and partners. Example/Illustration: The radio show, Survival Skills for Everyday Living, was collaborative from beginning to end. Lisa Troyer from Circle of Friends secured the meeting with the radio station and presented the idea of doing a show in Michigan like they were doing in her home state. I attended the meeting and, as the local person, I became the spearhead of the show in my home state. Once the pitch was accepted, the show required a rotating round table of women leaders. I immediately invited in a friend of mine, Tami Walker, who is great at making connections with women from a variety of life experiences, and together we built the team of women who would be the panel for our round table discussion. Each one of them brought insights neither Tami nor I would have had. The show was helpful to the audience because of the depth of collaboration. I would not have thought it up myself; I needed Lisa. I could never have made it happen myself; that required Tami. And I could never have made up those conversations myself; that took the team. And it was a blast! Practical application ideas: In an improv comedy class I attended, they taught us a game called “Yes, and...” It's a two person game. The first person sets up the situation, giving cues to the second about where they both are (at the movies, carnival, zoo, work, etc.), how they are related (friends, co-workers, family, strangers, etc) and/or what they are doing (climbing a mountain, eating, building a kayak, etc.) So for example one could open with, "Hello cousin Luke, imagine bumping into you at the zoo, and wearing a bear costume!" Whatever your partner says, you have to respond with “yes… and…” continuing the story you are acting out together. This means you have to accept what they are saying and build on it. On and on the story goes as you build it together. It’s a great exercise in learning to collaborate. Try it out at a gathering or family dinner. Take a moment to reflect. Take 20 minutes somewhere quiet and ponder these questions:
Consider attending the Speak Up Conference. It’s a great place to meet other people who are speaking, writing and leading as well as build relationships and get new perspectives. I have met amazing new friends and collaborators through my involvement with Speak Up. An earlier version of this blog article appeared in the Speak Up Blog in July 2021. With the help of Speak Up your next collaborative enterprise could launch next July. Author Update: Recently I realized that I have tried for years to get “strong enough” to post blog articles without feeling vulnerable and ill at ease, to no avail. I shared my struggle with a mentor and she invited me to consider asking others to form a team offering me feedback instead of trying to “toughen up” on my own. I implemented her suggestion and now have a team of trusted friends who are helping shape these articles before you read them with the twin blessings of better articles for the readers and more peace of mind for me. Go collaboration! How have you collaborated with others? Working definition of this leadership concept:
Blessing means affirming others’ value and performance. It is to build others up with our words. To bless is to speak kindly and generously even to those who have wronged us. Benefits for leaders who bless: 1. Christians get to love. In Matthew 5:43-45 Jesus says, “43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:43–45 ESV) Jesus commands us to love our enemies, those who oppose us, those who disagree with us and His command comes with empowerment to obey through the Holy Spirit! Jesus has given us a way out of all the negativity and carnage. In Luke we read Jesus’ words: “27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”(Luke 6:27-28 ESV). Christians get to love. We can always bless. 2. I love to talk, and I do not think I’m the only leader who loves to talk. Blessing is employing our gift and love of talking to build others up. It is so energizing to come alongside the work God is doing in people’s lives and encourage them. It’s just so much fun to bless people. Important to note, as a leader, our words often carry more weight because of the authority connected to our role. As Christians we are to steward that authority to build up, not to tear down. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1. Beginning a culture of blessing can be contagious – in a good way. People withdraw in a negative atmosphere, but thrive in a positive atmosphere. 2. Blessing when someone expects condemnation or criticism can not only change the atmosphere in a workplace or home, it can help people experience God’s love through us. Biblical inspiration and support: James cautions that words are powerful, like fire, and can be harmful (James 3:5-12). We should be careful and purposeful with our powerful words. The Apostle Paul teaches: “ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29 ESV) Our words are not to be of poor quality or harmful. That gives me pause. Have I spoken any words today that could have caused harm to someone’s view of themselves, their life or God? We are to avoid bad talk and engage in that which builds others up. We are to encourage and bless with our words. What a wonder that our words can actually “give grace to those who hear.” Who could not use a bit more grace? The Bible encourages us to bless and encourage one another; it’s a mutual obligation and experience (Romans 14:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:11). Blessing is crucial to the culture of the Christian communities. In Luke 6:27-28 Jesus teaches us to bless those who curse us, Paul encourages us to “bless those who persecute you…” (Romans 12:14 ESV) and Peter directs us not to repay evil for evil but to bless (1 Peter 3:9-12). Paul explains as a leader he has authority from the Lord, but it is to build up, not to tear down (2 Corinthians 10:8-9, 13:10). As leaders we are to steward our authority to encourage, bless, develop, correct and honor others, not to criticize in ways that would discourage them. If you question whether the words of leaders have greater weight than words of others, reflect on the effects both positive and negative words from your parents, teachers and other leaders have had in your life. We all can remember both encouraging and discouraging words that have impacted our lives, our decisions and even how we see ourselves. As leaders we need to recognize the influence of our words and use them to serve God’s purpose to build up people. Example/Illustration: One season, I was tempted to compete with a teammate. I prayed about it and realized that I saw this person was ready for promotion. I decided to bless this teammate in any way I could instead of competing with them. I started praying for them to come into all the opportunities and gifts that God had for them. Once, I took them aside and told them that I saw them as gifted and called for the next role and that I was going to support them in any way that I could. I blessed them to their face, and I spoke well of them to others as I talked about them when they were not around. This created a strong connection with this person, whereas competition would have torn down our relationship and the entire team. I have personally felt blessed to be part of what God is doing in their life, so different from the jealousy I felt when I was competing with them. Practical Application A great place to start when we want to bless people is to pray for them. If we really want to be counter cultural and embrace Jesus’ teachings, we can start by praying for our enemies, and praying blessing for those who mistreat us: “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27–28 (ESV) Prayer helps us to connect with God’s heart for the person we are praying for and makes us more likely to be able to bless them when we are with them. Bless even when it is difficult. Leaders bless. They bless not only in moments or with people that are easy to bless, they bless all the time. Let’s spend time praying and asking the Lord to bring things to mind that we can bless in our team or family. Let’s ask the Lord for eyes to notice things in the moment so we can affirm good attitudes, decisions and actions. Let’s cultivate a habit of both thinking and speaking blessing to those in our area of influence. Leaders bless. Give grace. Let’s take a minute and bring to mind a difficult conversation we’ve had recently. How could we have spoken words that would give grace to those who heard them (See Ephesians 4:29)? Is there any way we could do that even now, after the fact? Admit fault If we have spoken words we should not have, we can admit our fault and ask for forgiveness as discussed in the last article. Leaders are not perfect, they are people. Our apology could be a powerful way to take a step forward. Remind ourselves that our words and actions are part of our living sacrifice, our worship. (Romans 12:1-2) We are not to use our words for selfish motives, but to serve God’s will and to bring Him honor and glory. A friend suggested the song, Lifesong, by Casting Crowns might be helpful in our time of reflection. A parting word on blessing: Blessing leaders use words to build others up! What words of blessing have meant the most to you? How can leaders get out of the mess they themselves created -- and strengthen relationships in the process? How do you respond when you mess up? When I really mess up my first impulse is to want to hide it, justify it or to run away. This inclination is even stronger when I mess up as a leader. It turns out the way out of the pressure and mess is actually the opposite of hiding – the way out is to admit fault and pursue honest communication and restored relationship. Working definition of this leadership concept: Admitting fault means being open, forthright and proactive about confessing when you are wrong immediately after discovering it. It involves cultivating an attitude of being correctable. To have the courage to admit fault requires having confidence in one’s value independent of one’s performance. Benefits for leaders who practice admitting fault: 1. It affirms that leaders are not perfect but that they are, in fact, people like everyone else and they make mistakes and do wrong things. Drink that in a minute. So often people are intimidated to lead because they think they have to always do everything right or know all the answers, but no one does because perfection is impossible. Leaders do not have to be perfect, but I believe they do have to be willing to admit fault. 2. It keeps leaders humble. Humility is the safest place for anyone, but especially a leader who might tend to think they are as awesome as people -- or their successes -- tell them they are. Humility enables us to think of ourselves with “sober judgment” (Romans 12:3 ESV). My friend Kay cautions, “If you are a leader believing you might somehow have it all together and your authority gives you some wall of security against fault, this could be the most dangerous pitfall you face!” Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1.It preaches the good news. None of us is perfect. We don’t do everything right. But, because of Jesus, there is always a way back. Repent (turn away from the wrong path you are on), confess your fault, receive the Lord’s forgiveness, make amends as needed and enjoy restoration of intimacy with Christ and freedom from guilt and shame. 2.It communicates value and respect to others. 3.It cultivates an environment where others around us are allowed to fail, fall short, disappoint – admit it – and receive forgiveness. We want to encourage others to confess and acknowledge their faults as soon as possible, as it not only paves the way for authentic and intimate relationships, but can help us address problems created by their fault as soon as possible (which is always the best time to deal with problems!) Biblical inspiration and support: In 1 John we read, “7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:7–10 (ESV) John explains if anyone says they are without sin, they deceive themselves! To be honest is to have to admit fault and apologize from time to time. In Galatians 2:11-14 the Apostle Paul confronted the Apostle Peter (Cephas) for wrong doing. Peter was a leader before Paul was a leader, and yet, Peter needed correcting. Being a leader does not mean we will always do everything right. Leaders aren’t perfect, but there is a path of repentance and restoration for them, like there is for others. Paul teaches that if someone is found sinning, the community is to gently restore the community member (Galatians 6:1). Sin is not the end of the line for the Christian; we do not throw people away. Neither do we ignore the wrong doing. We have fellowship as we live in the light with one another (1 John 1:7) by getting things out in the open and going through a process of restoration. Matthew 5:23-24 tells us that if we are about to approach the altar and realize someone has something against us, that we should go make it right with them first. Going to church does not automatically make us godly, we need to follow Jesus’ teaching and models as we are now enabled by the Holy Spirit. When we wrong someone, it is our responsibility to go to them, confess, apologize and make amends. After that, it is their decision how they will respond to us, but we must do our part. Example/Illustration: The idea of those in authority apologizing to those they have authority over may seem a bit counter-cultural to some of us. It is not something we often witness in the marketplace or politics. Our experience may make it uncomfortable, but that does not mean we should avoid admitting fault. When I was raising my kids, I tried to apologize to them often, because I found if it had been a while since my last apology the apology gears inside me would get rusty and it would seem really hard to admit fault to them. I found that when I would confess my wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness, they were gracious to forgive me. I now see that my apologies communicated value to them, and was part of keeping our relationship alive and intact. As their leader I also gave them a model of how to handle situations where they were at fault. Practical Application First, if you cannot think of the last time you were wrong, I encourage you to spend some time humbly before the Lord, perhaps using the Time of Confession tool available here. Sometimes we have a clean conscience because we have been open and honest with the Lord, but sometimes we may have gotten caught up in pride and our hearts have become calloused to the promptings of the Spirit showing us where we are not acting rightly. But God is so gracious! We can ask him to sensitize our hearts to our own wrongdoing. (To see the plank in our own eye, see Matthew 7:3.) I heard once somewhere* that there are 5 powerful statements that can transform relationships: I’m so sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me. I forgive you. I love you. I mentioned before that if I get out of the habit of saying the first few, it seems hard for me to do so, so I made up a catchy punk song that I am sharing with you. (I love music and I’ve made up songs since I was very little. I like making up songs to remember things and to share things I’m learning with others.) I’m hoping it’s cheesy enough that after you listen these powerful statements will continue to run through your mind and heart and be on your lips the next time they are needed. Let’s challenge each other to admit fault at some point this week.
*I have looked and have not been able to find where these originated. If you know where these 5 statements come from, please let me know so I can give the source credit! A Parting Word on Admitting Fault: Saying I’m sorry is easier the more often we say it. View a related video to this article. Consider commenting: When have you seen admitting fault work powerfully? What makes it hard for people to admit fault?
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AuthorHi! I'm Jeri Howe. This website uses marketing and tracking technologies. Opting out of this will opt you out of all cookies, except for those needed to run the website. Note that some products may not work as well without tracking cookies. Opt Out of CookiesArchives
February 2022
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