Working definition of this leadership concept:
To fail is to fall short of a standard or to not meet a goal. It is to disappoint expectations. In this article I am going to focus on failing our own expectations, as I think that the shame and disappointment of not meeting our own standards often impedes our leadership. Benefits for leaders who fail: 1. Failure teaches leaders about themselves, about their limits, about their character and often about God. In fact, often the experience of failure doesn’t just teach, but actually transforms leaders. 2. Living through failure helps decrease the fear of failure which in turn results in greater confidence in facing the unknowns of the future. 3. Experiencing failure can increase our compassion and understanding of others experiencing failure. Benefits for the community where there is freedom to fail: 1. When the team is free to fail, they are free to risk, and amazing things are possible. 2. When there is good communication providing feedback and accountability, moments of failure can become moments of growth. Biblical inspiration and support: Peter. I thank God that Jesus’ disciple Peter, with both his strengths and weaknesses, is included in the Bible. Peter told Jesus at the last supper that he was willing to die with Him (Luke 22:33), and yet when the guards came to arrest Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane hours later, Peter fled. Later that night he was asked if he was one of Jesus’ disciples. Three times Peter denied even knowing Christ. That seems like failure to me. He broke his word to Jesus that he would stand by Him. I believe after Peter failed this way his heart was broken. We read in Luke 22:62 that after Peter had denied Jesus three times he “wept bitterly.” Peter had disappointed his own expectations of himself as a disciple of Jesus. But what I see here is that although Peter failed his own expectations, namely, he failed to stand by Jesus in the face of prison and death, I do not think Peter failed Jesus’ expectations. In The Gospel of Luke we read Jesus' words: “31 ‘Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.’ 33 Peter said to him, ‘Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.’ 34 Jesus said, ‘I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.’” (Luke 22:31–34, ESV) First, we see that Jesus’ expectation is that Peter will fail; he will deny Him three times. Jesus knows this about Peter, even before Peter knows this about himself. But look at what Jesus said in verse 32, “…And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:32, ESV). Jesus also expected that Peter would repent. And when Peter turned, was he to condemn himself, or disqualify himself from leadership? No. He was to strengthen the other believers. He was to continue in the service Jesus had trained him to do—even after failing. Jesus does not seem to see Peter’s failure as the end of his service to God or an end to his relationship with God or even an end to his participation on the Jesus team. Jesus did not see Peter’s failure as the end of his leadership, instead I think the Lord used it to shape Peter to lead more powerfully. I wonder if failure is an experience that can be used to form us more to the image of Christ. And friends, I wonder if Peter may be better qualified to strengthen others after his failure than he was before failing his expectations? Example/Illustration: I really failed my own expectations last fall when I took a step back from a team during one of the most challenging moments the team had ever faced. I felt awful. I could not believe I was doing it. I had prided myself on my reliability and my loyalty. I had told myself I would never abandon my team, and then, in the face of both the COVID pandemic and my own family’s suffering due to a hard medical diagnosis, I was at the end of myself and realized I needed to let go of my position. Even though I took some time and sought the Lord with other team leaders, and we all agreed that I should step back for a season, in my heart I still felt like I had abandoned them. I felt like such a failure for months. But was I really a failure? I was obeying God’s leading. I had submitted myself to spiritual authorities, and they agreed I was obeying God’s leading and blessed my decision. Why then, did I still feel like a failure? I spent months wrestling with my thoughts. I had failed my own expectations and that failure made me examine my pride, my expectations and how I define failure. It has been one of the most transforming seasons of my life. It was the first season in many years that I did not have any ministry responsibilities and that created space for me to just be with the Lord as a person. As I wrestled with my thoughts in prayer with the Lord, He brought me to a place of peace where I could “just be” with Him. I let go. I received God’s love. I was not really sure how to do it, so I would just say out loud, “Lord, I receive Your Love for me. I invite You into this pain.” I now spend some time most mornings sitting quietly and asking the Lord to remind me that He loves me. I prioritize and protect my time with God, realizing that I am better able to help people the way I really dream of helping them if I give myself space in time with God in the Bible and prayer. I am beginning to accept my limits and to release my former expectations. In the process, I am finding that I am becoming more of the leader I have always wanted to be: more humble, patient, hospitable and loving. Through my experience of failure God has brought me much healing and freedom. Practical application Failure survivors. When I felt like a failure last fall, I found a lot of people wanted to convince me I had not failed and keep me from talking about myself that way. The thing was, there was something very freeing about being able to look the thing I dreaded in the eye and to stop running. I had been running from failure my whole life, and it had kept me exhausted, with one eye over my shoulder wondering when it would catch up. But now that it was here—I mean, I had definitely failed in my opinion—well, there was something very real about facing my fear and realizing it did not destroy me. I can survive failing. I can survive disappointing myself and others. I can survive not living up to my expectations. And that, that was empowering. What if we are allowed to fail? And what if when we turn to God in those moments He can free, heal and transform us in ways we never thought possible? Read through Peter’s failure in Luke 22 and then read Acts 2. Peter’s failure was not the end of his story. He was a failure survivor. Failure review. Take a moment to look back on a moment of failure in your life. Ask the Lord to give you insight. Why do you consider it a failure? What was the nature of the failure? Was it a bad decision, a moral failure, a human limitation? Is there anything else you need to do to make amends to move forward? Now here’s the big one, what good fruit has that failure produced in your life? Did it reveal a blind spot? Did it help you adjust your expectations? Did it humble you? Did it bring you to God? Failure is a town we pass through. Failure is not an identity. People fail. It’s an experience humans share. It does not define us or our worth. You are not the worst thing you have ever done.* You are so, so, so much more than anything you have done, or anything that has been done to you. Failure is more like a town that we all seem to have to pass through from time to time on our way to other things. But I think sometimes we start living there. We give up hoping, we give up trying, because the pain is too much. Friends, failure is not a town to live in – it’s just a place we pass through time to time. Pray and ask God to reveal if you’ve taken on failure as an identity. Read Ephesians 1:3-8 and write down the words in that passage that describe who you are as a Christian. Failure is not one of them. A parting word on failure: Leaders who fail…grow. * I believe the first time I heard this statement it was being shared by a former inmate in a radio interview as something a mentor had shared with him while he was incarcerated. It has resonated with me ever since. Comment: What have you gained from experiencing failure?
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A leader is not someone who focuses on doing all the work themselves. A leader develops and equips other members of the team to do the work. And when an equipping leader moves on, the work continues because others have been trained, equipped and promoted.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To equip others is to train, coach and delegate responsibility to other people. (Leaders who are doing all the work themselves are not really leading.) To lead is to raise up and empower others. Benefits for leaders who equip others: 1.Equipping others increases the leader’s area of influence. 2.Equipping others increases a leader’s influence generationally. This is how Christianity has survived and prospered for over 2000 years. Christians disciple and train other Christians in the life and practices of the faith. 3.Investing in others is satisfying work that lasts beyond reaching a goal. People are a good investment. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1.Equipping others releases people to do the good work God prepared in advance for them to do (See Ephesians 2:10). 2.Equipping others highlights that the work is about what God is doing, not what one superstar person is doing. 3.Equipping others contributes to the collaborating, cooperating, contributing picture of the Kingdom of God… like a body (See Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12). Biblical inspiration and support: Let’s start by looking at how the apostle Paul speaks about the importance of unity. He uses the picture of a body to describe the community of Christians. “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:1–16 ESV). Let’s take a closer look at this passage by working backwards. What is the purpose? What is the vision or goal? For the body to be built up in love and grow up into maturity, into the head who is Christ. For the community to attain unity in both the Christian faith and in knowledge of the Son of God and to not be vulnerable to deception. How does that happen? Each part of the body, is working properly and is doing the work of ministry, building up the Christian community. How does that happen? The leaders equip the Christian people. It is interesting to note that Paul does not say there are a few gifted and energetic people who will build up the body of Christ while the rest of the people watch or drift away. No, it seems from this passage that God has given some to be equippers and everyone else to be equipped. Every Christian has a vital role, each has ministry to do—which are really acts of service—to do in the Christian community. No role is superior to another. We all work to build up God’s people, to build up the Christian community with our integrity, humility, gentleness, patience and love according to the grace God’s given us. Leaders, as those who develop team members, equip others for the work. Practical application ideas: Time study. You might consider logging your time this week and seeing how much time you invest in equipping others versus how much time you spend doing the work yourself. Pray and reflect on if that ratio needs to change. What could be delegated? Think through your daily/weekly/monthly tasks. Which of these tasks could someone else on the team do 80% as well as you (or even better than you)? Consider training a team member to take on those tasks. Listen to an audio book on delegating. (Or read one if you prefer.) I had a coach who encouraged me to invest time and energy in developing the skill of delegating. Just because we find ourselves in a leadership role does not mean that we have developed the skill of identifying responsibilities to delegate, training others to take on those responsibilities, and handing off those tasks effectively while maintaining a reasonable amount of oversight and accountability. Consider investing in learning how to delegate so you are ready to develop and promote team members. Equipping retreat. Take half a day away from regular responsibilities to brainstorm what equipping needs your team has. Have some fun and dream, brainstorming what training would help each person who reports to you grow to reach the next level. Take some time to consider which are the most critical needs and how you could begin providing the needed training. Who could you collaborate with to provide what your team needs? A parting word on equipping others: Equipping Leaders multiply their influence and glorify God. Comment: Who can you thank for investing time to equip you?
What’s the way to avoid such relational disasters? Discipline. It may not sound fun to us passionate types, but I suggest discipline is not a joy-killer at all. It’s a path to true freedom in living and leading.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To be disciplined involves being both thoughtful and prudent. It is having one’s emotions, passions and impulses under control. To be disciplined is to be free. True freedom is not doing whatever we feel like in the moment, but doing what we purpose to do. Freedom is doing what is good; it is to follow and obey Jesus. Discipline, or self-control, is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in Christ followers. Benefits for leaders who practice discipline: 1.Being disciplined reduces the time leaders have to spend addressing the pain and hurt created by thoughtless words or actions. 2.Having self-control allows us to walk in step with the Spirit of God, sensitive to His leading even more than we are sensitive to our own passions and able to join in His work everywhere we go. This is the most satisfying and fruitful life for a Christ follower. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1.When a leader responds to difficult situations with restraint and thoughtfulness, avoiding the damage produced by thoughtless actions, the team is able to continue pursuing the mission with trust and confidence. 2.Resisting impulsive decisions grants more time and space for communication, cooperation and collaboration. This allows the leader to get helpful counsel from others and to get buy in from team members before moving forward. Biblical inspiration and support: In Titus 1, Paul directs Titus to appoint elders in every town and explains: “For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.” (Titus 1:7-8 ESV, emphasis mine) The Greek word translated disciplined here is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “[pertaining] to having one’s emotions, impulses, or desires under control, self-controlled, disciplined”[1] Paul is directing that elders, overseers – I would say leaders – be self-controlled. By adding not “quick-tempered” in the mix Paul was emphasizing that it is very important that God’s overseers, those serving as leaders of the flock, are not impulsive but are able to regularly restrain their passions in order be to holy, upright, lovers of good and hospitable to people. The Greek word, translated “self-controlled” in Titus 1:8 is found again in our next passage: “2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” (1 Timothy 3:2–3 ESV, emphasis mine) Here again Paul is training one of his delegated leaders how people should conduct themselves in Christian communities. The Greek word translated self-controlled here and in Titus 1:8 is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “[pertaining] to being in control of oneself, prudent, thoughtful, self-controlled.”[2] The word thoughtful is helpful here. Christian leaders should not be impulsive, victim to their passions, but instead be thoughtful and self-controlled. Today we might communicate this by saying leaders should be purposeful. Every word, every action should be done not as a reaction, but as a considered response. This may seem like a tall order, especially for those of us with more passionate personalities. Ah, but with God there is always empowerment to live as we are directed to live, grace to lead as we are commanded to lead. In Galatians 5 we read of the fruits of the Spirit – we read a description of what the Spirit Himself produces in us: “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:22–24 (ESV) The word translated self-control here is defined by the Greek Lexicon as “restraint of one’s emotions, impulses or desires…”[3] Where we lack the ability in ourselves to be self-controlled or disciplined, the Spirit himself is able to produce what we lack. This is a mystery and a miracle that enables us to walk by the Spirit which Paul discusses in this same chapter. Here Paul reminds us that we are called to walk in freedom but this freedom is not an opportunity to indulge our every whim or feed whatever hungers we have but instead “…through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:14 ESV). How does one receive this spiritual power of discipline and self-control? I believe when we submit ourselves first to the Lord, seeking His will, and we take a step to obey we will see this fruit of the Holy Spirit at work in and through us. True freedom is not the ability to serve our selfish passions and desires, but it is the freedom of self-control and discipline that we might serve and love God and others. Example/Illustration: Recently I was blessed to have a meeting with a coach. In our short time together, I shared all the ideas and passions whirring about in my mind and heart for this blog, website and such and I was ready to run out and do them all. He wisely cautioned me to limit my plan and shared the advice, “under-promise and overdeliver.” Friends, this is not what my heart wanted to hear. I love feeling passionate, it is so energizing. But I heard what he said, and saw the loving concern for me in his eyes through the zoom screen, and I took it to heart. As I’ve made decisions about how much to do and how much to commit to do, I’ve been thoughtful and often waited days to make decisions while I prayed and consulted others. The result has been avoidance of the dangerous but well-traveled ground of over-promising followed by the inevitable back-breaking work to avoid under-delivering. Restraint, thoughtfulness, and self-control have their place, even for creative-entrepreneur types. Practical application Take some time. Consider requiring a waiting period before acting on decisions. Whether it is sleeping on the email before sending it in the morning, or fasting from making decisions for one month a year* so that you can seek the Lord for the next season – take some extra time to respond and not react. * I have often set aside July as a decision free month. I do not decide to take on any new projects or say yes to any new opportunities or commitments in the month of July. In July I collect them, I pray over them and I ask the Lord to guide me in the next season. Important to note, I do not believe I have ever lost an opportunity because of this practice. Daily Examen. One way to grow in discipline is to spend some time reviewing each day, praying for the Lord to guide you to recall important moments and asking a simple set of questions. I suggest the questions: When did I feel pressured today? When did I feel free? Over the last year I have become convinced that God does not guide through pressure. I believe He guides through invitation. If that’s the case, where is the pressure coming from? That is a powerful question to take to the Lord in prayer. A parting word on being disciplined: Disciplined leaders don’t react, they respond. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” (Proverbs 19:2 ESV) [1] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “ἐγκρατής,” Page 274 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000. [2] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “σώφρων,” Page 987 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000. [3] Arndt, William, Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. “ἐγκράτεια,”Page 273 in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000.
But what if that moment is not failure, but an invitation to collaborate with others? Christianity is a collaborative way of life. We all need others. Collaborate and together you will conquer the difficulties you were never meant to face alone.
Working definition of this leadership concept: To collaborate means to cooperate and work with others. Christianity is not an individual enterprise. We are all gifts to one another, even—no, especially—when we see things differently. Benefits for leaders who practice collaboration: 1. Every leader fears hitting their limits; collaboration means our limits are catalysts to invite others into the project. 2. Collaboration also brings together a variety of strengths—no one is good at everything. Collaborating means we can leave the stuff we struggle with in more gifted hands leaving us free to do what we excel at doing. 3. Collaboration increases our connection with our audience. Those with different perspectives can see where we are blind, have had experiences we haven’t had and can identify with people in our audience. Benefits for the community where the leader leads: 1. Collaboration increases connection with our collaborators (co-laborers) – and we can use all the unity we can get! 2. Collaboration gives more people opportunities and experience. In this way, collaboration builds up the body of Christ. Biblical inspiration and support: Paul writes in Romans 12: "3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." (Romans 12:3–8 ESV) Christians are a body of many members. Each member is valuable and has contributions to make. All members need to be vitally connected to one another and cooperate with each other for the good of all (Ephesians 4:16, 1 Corinthians 2:7). Paul wrote to the Romans about being “mutually encouraged” (Romans 1:11-12) by one another, and he invited them to partner with him in an upcoming mission to Spain (Romans 15:24). Paul saw the Roman Christians to whom he was writing as collaborators and partners. Example/Illustration: The radio show, Survival Skills for Everyday Living, was collaborative from beginning to end. Lisa Troyer from Circle of Friends secured the meeting with the radio station and presented the idea of doing a show in Michigan like they were doing in her home state. I attended the meeting and, as the local person, I became the spearhead of the show in my home state. Once the pitch was accepted, the show required a rotating round table of women leaders. I immediately invited in a friend of mine, Tami Walker, who is great at making connections with women from a variety of life experiences, and together we built the team of women who would be the panel for our round table discussion. Each one of them brought insights neither Tami nor I would have had. The show was helpful to the audience because of the depth of collaboration. I would not have thought it up myself; I needed Lisa. I could never have made it happen myself; that required Tami. And I could never have made up those conversations myself; that took the team. And it was a blast! Practical application ideas: In an improv comedy class I attended, they taught us a game called “Yes, and...” It's a two person game. The first person sets up the situation, giving cues to the second about where they both are (at the movies, carnival, zoo, work, etc.), how they are related (friends, co-workers, family, strangers, etc) and/or what they are doing (climbing a mountain, eating, building a kayak, etc.) So for example one could open with, "Hello cousin Luke, imagine bumping into you at the zoo, and wearing a bear costume!" Whatever your partner says, you have to respond with “yes… and…” continuing the story you are acting out together. This means you have to accept what they are saying and build on it. On and on the story goes as you build it together. It’s a great exercise in learning to collaborate. Try it out at a gathering or family dinner. Take a moment to reflect. Take 20 minutes somewhere quiet and ponder these questions:
Consider attending the Speak Up Conference. It’s a great place to meet other people who are speaking, writing and leading as well as build relationships and get new perspectives. I have met amazing new friends and collaborators through my involvement with Speak Up. An earlier version of this blog article appeared in the Speak Up Blog in July 2021. With the help of Speak Up your next collaborative enterprise could launch next July. Author Update: Recently I realized that I have tried for years to get “strong enough” to post blog articles without feeling vulnerable and ill at ease, to no avail. I shared my struggle with a mentor and she invited me to consider asking others to form a team offering me feedback instead of trying to “toughen up” on my own. I implemented her suggestion and now have a team of trusted friends who are helping shape these articles before you read them with the twin blessings of better articles for the readers and more peace of mind for me. Go collaboration! How have you collaborated with others? |
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February 2022
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